At a junction, the envelope has the route.

20.06.2010

Today the day started early at 6:30 a.m. as I have to go for CHYK class at 8 a.m. at Malleswaram. I reached on time and in few minutes others arrived too. The class begun with Meghasutram chanting and with chapter 21 (The Path of Divinity) of Kindle Life by Swami Chinmayananda. The discussion was around body, mind, intellect and consciousness. It was discussed that the experiencer will always be subtler than experienced. Like for eg, the eyes see the book and the mind see the eye because the eye is subtler than the book and mind is subtler to eye. Also, the flow of thoughts is called mind but the one which discriminates thoughts is called intellect and the one which observe intellect is consciousness. Confusing isn't it? To me too until I asked my teacher who explained me in clear terms.

During the class it was decided that senior CHYK members will take up Foundation Vedanta Course from coming July '10. I am in for it and also excited. After the class we continued with discussion around how to expand CHYK community and what activities should we plan for coming year. I was dozing most of the time due to lack of proper sleep last night.

Padma and Deepak came to meet Amma after their wedding. It was nice to see them together after long time. I was trying to catch up with my skit team to get their feedback but none got time to look through it. I hope by the end of this week we make a good progress and on next weekend we have substantial material to start our practice with.

After the class I was offered sponsored movie by Padma which she got from her dear bank. I had the option of going home or go with Deepak for Ravaan Movie. After lot of tussle in mind (arsing our of my  unaccomplished TO DO LIST) but later decided to damn the list and go ahead with the movie as I thought its OK to bunk sometimes. We reached INOX in time, got the tickets and redeemed our food coupons with popcorn and cold drinks. The movie started with lot of fanfare. Halfway through I was wondering what a nonsense I am witnessing with no substantial story behind it. Deepak felt the same. Post interval, the movie started picking up the interest and intensity. Overall I liked the movie as it was well made and good cinematography. Attention to details was too good. We left theater satisfied with the time well spent.

We marched towards Malleswarm to pick up my cycle. On the way I was praying what if I could go for MLTR concert which was starting at 7:30p.m. and I had 15 mins in hand after reaching Malleswararm. I decided to go for Concert with the reasoning "I you dont go for your fav bands then for what will you go?". After reaching the venue I parked my bicycle with parking fee of Rs. 10/- and headed to counter to get pass for Rs. 600. I did not mind spending that because I felt it way to express my solidarity like other sas noble fans of MLTR. This was my first visit to any Music Concert and hence I was not aware of the format of such programs. The program kicked off ten minutes late and few people came in to play. I was trying very hard to match up the faces in the poster with the ones on stage. At one point I almost felt, "I guess hearing their music on music system is lot better than coming here as it didin't sound as great as I expected". The show got over after an hour and I murmured, "That's it. This is all I get for 600 bucks.Common man". I asked someone standing nearby if the show got over and to my surprise he enlightened me  that original band is yet to come. I heaved a sign of relief and waited for MLTR. During the wait, I looked around. The crowd was hep and young. Lovers were swinging in each other arms and some were sitting on floor due to long wait. After doing my round of viewing I just sat thinking nothing but looking at a lady who was jubilant and thumping with joy. Long wait over and the band finally took over the stage. They played their first music and I was sure it was worth all my efforts to come here. I was having wonderful time as I knew the lyrics of lot of songs and was singing with the band and swinging and dancing. The sandal and bagpack did not hinder to the my pursuit of joy in the moment.I was living in the present.

After the concert got over, took my bicycle and rode back home and the first thing I did was post a status message on FB.

" MLTR Concert was amazing. I lost 2 KGs :P with all the jumping around. Also, saw Ravaan and it is a really good movie. Amazing cinematography and attention to details. I now understands what world call Mani Rathnam. Movie courtesy Padma :) "

After doing some mindless surfing I remembered of my CMI results that were due that day. I logged on to the website and my heart started pumping harder when I found the results being declared. I did not open the link to result. I was scared and prayed sincerely time after a long time "God, Please do justice to me this time as  this result is very important to me." It can possibly change my life and fulfill my dream of pursing masters and PhD and taking up academic as career but if I don't then I plan to bury my postgraduate plan deep in the ground and start with something new as I am tired of all the continuous failures and looks like I am pursuing something which I am not very interested in. By spending my three years on various exam preparation, I was not able to concentrate on my job as a result I am not able to develop myself as a confident professional in my domain. I remember taking off from office for a month for CMI exam but not actually making the full  use of it as most of the time I was haunted by my failures and dim prospect in future. It  was surlely not thebest thing to think about but sitting all alone at room the mind use to find its way out. Looking at the link which is waiting to be opened I am thinking of what could be behind it and where will I be in the next moment.Giving rest to all my million thoughts I now open the link and the result is

Following students have been selected for MSc CS:-

C-5010  Biswaroop Maiti
C-5011  G. Vignesh
C-5031  Ramanathan Thinniyam Srinivasan
C-5049  Pranabendu Misra
C-5067  Sandipan Bhattacharyya
C-5084  Nikhil Balaji
C-5127  Gautham Shenoy R
C-5221  Aniket Basu Roy
C-5370  Abhishek Bhrushundi
C-5430  Nitin Saurabh

I couldnt see my name hence I was trying to argue if Abhishek/Aniket acutally refers to me but the surnames give way. I did not get through and later found out that neither did Mrinal. This result was very important to both of us and our career. Not able to get through will open up another million questions/doubts and despair to deal in coming days. I need to decide fast as I realized that it is important to have something to look forward to to keep me going else it looks like a dead end and instill fear and anger.

God, give me strength.

Amit

Look before you leap.

Many a times I feel the urge to let go my day's job and start something of my own. The dream to be my own boss, create jobs and draw my own fate line motivates me to walk the road less traveled. I believe that being a part of "JOB" for the rest of my life is damning. It is self-depreciation and lowly.

There are project ideas in my mind but I have a fear of shortfalls. I feel that there are certain behavioral aspects I need to develop myself before I could just throw off the towel and jump in to swim on my own. I need to have a mentor, someone from whom I can learn great skills of life and also who can believe in me and motivate me to do more than what I am capable of doing in my current setup. In the past I have produced great results but at present looks like I have gathered dust and needs some cleaning. I would like to give myself a chance of gambling with my dreams and try my luck.

Here's the short list I look forward to conquer. It is a daunting task but am ready to walk this road with the compass of determination and faith.

Focus on 1 Thing. : No shifting ideas. Stick to one even if it looks boring and make it successful and then move to next. 
Zero Procrastination : Do things in Time. 
Disciplined : Do things in order. 
Enterprising : Not settling down without solving the issue at hand. 
Uncompromising Quality : Strive for best. 
Good Listener : Be open to other ideas. 
Strong Technical : Know your technology well.
Zeal to Create : Unless I have it I will only slog fruitlessly.

I plan to be a turtle and move slow and steady than be a glamorous hare who lost the sight.

Go Turtle Go...

P.S. An article that flared my mind into this thought is here . I thank the author for writing it down so genuinely and elaborately for the benefits of other half-baked idiots :).

Tomorrow will be Today.

Today was not like any other day. Today I saw my fate flip twice in matter of seconds. Take note when I say change, it had the potential of making tremendous transformation to my life and my family in all possible ways which includes bad too.

The risk was high but the gain with all its best efforts was not the best. For that particular level of risk I would bet for something more and not settle down for less. When the master said, "Welcome to my den", I orchestrated loop holes to seep through but still he was happy with the droplets he was gaining until I helped him realized I was an ether. Deep inside myself I didn't wished to be caged while my brothers and sisters yearned for long preservation but rather be set free to draw my own map and ways.

At present, I don't feel remorse about my choice but I cannot assure whether I will lament of my non-existence in near future while my siblings will be still praised upon in shape. Hence Tomorrow is going to be today.

Who-Do-You-Want-To-Be-In-10-Years

Here's an article I came across in WWW and found it relevant for all to contemplate on.

Who-Do-You-Want-To-Be-In-10-Years

Thanks to the Author Shalin Mantri for writing it based on India Specific.

Also, in the comments section of the original article I found another related link and thought some of us would be to read more on this topic.
A College Education Without Job Prospects

Wish you Happy Read and Serious Contemplation,

Take Care,
Amit

Stanza for a lost FRIEND

**************************************
Somewhere I was wrong

Somewhere I should have more understanding

Life is full of studies, And

I am still studying.

The above stanza I had written for a friend of mine (GT), in year 2004 to express how the mistake done was unintentional and how immature I was. Well, I finally lost her but I wish I could have made her understand and we could have reconciled. Her friendship is among the most cherished one. To be with her was fun. She was my first girl friend (not love type) and I learned a lot about myself and about feminine nature.

GT, if you happen to read this please understand that I would love to be your friend again any day & any time. Where ever you are, I wish the best of world for you and wish our path cross someday.

Good Bye,

Amit

Dear Friend' s Farewell

A Quatrain (original :)) for two of my friends, Angad and Palani :-

Day in day out, I meet numerous people
Some stay long, Some stay short
Some I remember, Some I forget
You my dear friend, will be remembered all along

My Golden Rule for my Life.

For a long time, I have been thinking of coming up with some smart bullet points like those in corporates which will act as my magic mantra I will lead my life by. So I have something to discuss about it now.

To prevent making a second mistake of same time, I started jotting down my experience with first in my journal so that it could act as lighthouse in case I happen to be lost in the same situation.Surprisingly, the number of mistakes have out numbered with what I initially expected out of my level of imperfection and it is hard to keep a note of them or categorize them, so lately I stumbled upon the idea of these bullet points which will be short (not in pages) and will act as quick reference in most of my crisis situation. These will be time tested formulas and I will be adhering to them with blind faith as going through the whole process of brainstorming the possibilities is painful if the conclusion drawn ends up being the same with what I learnt from my earlier crisis, which in most of the case is true.

Please note that, these formulas or magic mantras are tested on specimen called Amit Choudhary so its applicability for you or your girlfriend may not hold true. Kindly use discretion while using them. Apart from above reasoning, I also understand that any kind of rigidity is only expected to bring staleness in life so there is still a hope of challenging the presently proposed mantras and adding a new to the list or creating a whole new one in the future if the present goes invalid.

So, here's those guiding angles which created so much of buzz in my head and now in yours
1. Every second of sincere work is worth it.

2. Misery is permanent. So don't give damn to Misery, enjoy your life, enjoy your work.

3. Be Honest. It surely pays. Little dishonesty in pity matters (professional and life threating is not pity. Lying about dinner or whereabout qualifies) is OK.

4. Be Smart with what you write to others. It surely comes back.

5. I don't claim to be smart and hence I don't mind doing mistakes.

6. Keep a good circle of friends.They are needed to discuss your concerns and booze with.

7. Humility and Helping others will take me farther.

8. Accept others the way they are. Let them change by themselves.

9. Never loose faith in yourself. You know what is right and you don't need certification from others to believe in it but yes just get it reviewed to make sure you are not missing any link.

10. You may wish to review the above 9 points once again.

So dear fellas, what's your take on this.

Bike Workshop @ Fidelity by RAC Foundation on 26th Feb '10

Waking up early in the morning and getting ready for school has always driven me crazy specially during winter when all I wish, is to sleep under the warm quilt but my sister would come and pour water on my face. The start of the day used to be in awful mood but then riding my Atlas Goldline (the Milkman Cycle model) down the road to school used to calm me down and I used to cherish the moment of competing with motorbikes, fellow bike riders and flouting the traffic signals.

Few months after joining my first company, I stared developing tires around my waist and it was then I decided to start with some health regime. I started with gym which only lasted for two months due to irregular work shifts and pain of waking up early morning. My self-esteem was low as I did not feel good about the shape I was getting in. It was then I decided to buy a cycle for myself. Without giving any second thought or some peer reviews, I went to a bike shop in Gandhinagar and got myself Hero Hawk with 15 gears for 4.5K. It was a good pick for someone with a constraint budget and love for speed. I started riding from home to office. The distance one way was 6 km and I used to enjoy doing it but somewhere down the line I started making excuses and eventually stopped.

The recent bike workshop by Fidelity Cares and FBOTS was a great boost to my dormant passion and going back home I dusted my cycle and was back on saddle. The speakers had genuine interest of spreading the message of eco friendly transportation mode via cycling and I was among the few who got infected with their infectious zeal. They shared their valuable experience and patiently answered to people's concerns and queries ranging from safety on road to eve teasing. The current state of world environment needs no statistics and our personnel experiences are sufficient to vouch for greener lifestyle. Examples of few personalities who have transformed their life from being PULPY to CLASSIC physique by a simple act of pedaling a machine, bolstered confidence in me that this simple act of cycling can change my life drastically too.

The arrangement of new and modern bikes for test drive was a feather on the Cap of the event. Post lunch many people had test drive of the modern bikes which was enough to fuel them and get them interested with riding bicycle for short commute and weekend activities. I drove all the five models available and was amazed by the swiftness with which this bike move and their gear and break mechanism which was an engineering marvel. I have now planned to give away with my motor bike plan but to upgrade my current cycle to MTB (Mountain Terrain Bike). Also, the cycling community (BBC) suggested by speaker is one stop shop for all queries regarding cycling and has amazing set of people to be friends with. I have already started getting invitation for weekend rides making new friends. I wouldn't claim of achieving body build of  John Abraham but there are subtle changes which can be seen like few autotwallah's Thumping me Up, my landlady calling me for evening snacks and my office colleagues looking up to me for cycling tips. There are still few inhibitions which I would like to overcome in coming days but the sheer joy of reaching my destination before a motorized vehicle and riding on sideways when stuck in traffic jam and enjoying the gust of wind against my face is no match.

My love for cycle cannot be put in better words then our Sherlock Holmes creator Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, "When the spirits are low, when the day appears dark, when work becomes monotonous, when hope hardly seems worth having, just mount a bicycle and go out for a spin down the road, without thought on anything but the ride you are taking."

My frank appreication chat..

Hi How u doing?
Well, I never told you one thing but let me tell you now since I am at safe distance :)

" Your Eyes Are Beautiful".
It was this that kept me staring at you sometimes because I was curious to know what makes it so beautiful. Frankly I am really curious to know the philosophy behind why such eyes looks wonderfull to me at least.

Pls dont mind... I am just frank with my feelings and sharing it away.


Take Care !!
Amit

IndiBlogger Meet in Jan 2009

Mother, When will I get those awards..

Jan 2009
Today was All-hands (A half-yearly formal gathering) of my company at Christ College. Looking at the people who were getting Values Championship Award, Leardership Award, Fun@Work Award , I was constantly telling myself, "Amit, when are you going to receive such award. When are you going to be successful in life. When will you stop being confused and rather concentrate at one goal."

I remember asking these same questions last year also at the same setting. I guess this question will keep bugging my head and its good that I know that I am made to create the difference in life.

For now, I just want to continue doing what I am doing i.e. my work and my CAT preparation. There has been an appreciable improvement and I am just want to continue doing my best. If I get sth good out of this I will pursue it else I am going to make myself TECH guru going ahead :)

P.S. I got Fun@Work Award on 21stMay 2010. It was like dream come true where I could hear the applause of 1500 colleagues in auditorium when I was on my way to collect my certificate.

After 45 dusk.

Dawn -> Dusk -> Dawn -> Dusk -> Dawn -> Dusk -> Dawn -> Dusk -> ..........

Days passed by, change was continuous and someone evolved from something to some other thing. With a wide gap of 45 days, I am penning down my thoughts or better to say got time to reflect upon my past. During this period it was sharpest change I have ever experienced in my life. It was a change from a heedless to mindful, from self-first to family-first, from MS to MBA and with less friends to more friends.

During this period I was home (my native : Dhanbad) for 15 days (Remember I missed the IIIT Bangalore interview ) and trying to catch up with my missed festival feasts and family members. The journey of flight from Bangalore to Kolkata was boring but the forward journey from Howrah to Dhanbad in a local was mind boggling. The commotion and seat sharing reminded me of my old days when I used to have similar flavor.

My mother hugged me with warmheartedness. To my surprise it took me more than 10 mins to recognize my own house where I have spend 10 years of my childhood. The culprit was the 20 months of gap in two consecutive visit to home. I started feeling culpable and in hurried steps was searching all the rooms of my house to extract the hidden past so that I can build my childhood castle around it.

Then what followed was a series of events belonging to specific classes (C++ term). Meeting sisters and family relatives, getting pestered to marry soon and giving a helping hand to my mother in her daily chores. In midst of all these obvious events was a romantic one. I met my long time crush for whom I fought with another suitor in Class 5. It took time for me to recognize her but she was more quick to respond. She is still the same. Studious and sweet. Though she recently got married I have all well-wishes for her from every corner of my heart.

How can I miss to mention my waggling thoughts all time about whether to pursue management or technical as my career. I find it hard to belief today but then in a short span of every 2 hours I used to switch my side with equally strong arguments. Each moment it was ringing in my head, whether at sleep or at wake moments. My head was over exercising to search for the answer and that irked me at few moments.

I bought a new digital camera for my parents (with my father's money though as he didn't allow me to spend mine). It is Canon IXUS model for 11200 rupees. It was great buy and now they are using it quite effectively by capturing all the happy moments at home. Even I took some great ones of mine :).

With one of these dawn, it was end of my honeymoon period at home and it was time to get back to my mundane work life. My journey from Howrah to Bangalore in train was the most dreadful one. I booked side lower anticipating some personnel time and speedy air against my face at window seat. I was complete heart break and distraught when I witnessed "Side Middle" berth in today's Indian Railways seating arrangement. To describe about this experience might take another blog so I just want to end it here mentioning something which I repeatedly told myself through out the journey and smiled. It is "You asked for little fun, God gave you more than that".

I was back to Bangalore and felt at home. The weather at two places was contrast. What followed next few days was getting used to my routine office and finally I made up my mind to pursue MBA. Reasons.... aplenty.

Choice...

“When it snows, you have two choices: shovel or make snow angels” (Internet)

How I spent my 10 days of leave for MBA Exam Prep.

I studied some, slept most of the time.. couldn't achieve much of my target, feeling little bit pesky but that's OK. Time which has gone is gone.. Tomorrow is new beginning.

But I still feel that I lack the zeal to crack IIM. I don't know but its definitely not like IIT JEE where the three char mantra was sufficient enough to drive me but this time its something like which fizzles out after every 3 days of refueling. I am somehow finding it difficult to keep the momentum ON.

Today I am at Angad's place with an anticipation that I will study with full throttle but let me be honest, I didn't do much studies rather I did 1/5th of what I usually do at home. I see that even Angad is not as focused as he was during college days which I feel is pretty normal in work life where the priorities of a man change.

I still have got a long way to go considering IIM's call and Amit let me tell you if you don't get sincere about it I would suggest that dude get off and concentrate on something easy. CAT is not your ability. Honestly, I do feel that getting into an IIM's will put my career is secure platform and from there I can be liberal with what I want to do with my life rather than being all time worried which is the situation at present. This is my first and last time and hence Amit give your best the way you did for TOEFL because the value of fight is known only after its defeat and hence it will only surmount with lot of regrets and frustrations which I don't want you to go through.

You still can make it. Just be honest to it.

Vellore Trip and Aftermath :)

27th Nov, 2009 11:00 p.m.

I am little tired today. I did cleaning of my room and dusted off 3 bins of waste. Also, my CAT exam is coming near, I would say just a week ago and I am not in my best shape.

From 3rd Nov to 19th Nov., I was in Vellore for my brother's operation. It was a near crisis situation in my family where no one could believe that the youngest member will be the first to come under the Operation table for a major operation. He had infection in his left lung due to his past history of TB and Jaundice. It was really painfull to see my brother breathing oxygen through mask and his pulses getting monitored on medical systems. For me it was real test of Man. On the second day of operation, my dad developed pain in his ankles which made it unbearable to walk and my mother was down with mild fever. To avoid any further damage to their health, I advised them to take complete rest and was the only one holding the pillars.

At one point I was feeling little broke and I even tried calling few of my close friends. One realization I had with my conversation with them was, no matter what family members are the only ones who can understand the despair of near ones while for others its going to be a remote connection and empathy will be missing. I don't complain but say that it is a natural behavior and hence when some friend our outside your immediate family is not able to understand your plight you should take it easy and not get furious about there carelessness.

Also quite many things happened during the time I was in Vellore like:-
1. My parents pestering me for marriage.
2. Me putting of Jyoti's call out of irritation of repeatedly asking me to get married.
3. Irritating some nurses in hospital with my Physics of pressure difference and they talking about gravity.
4. Me bribing/ tipping someone out of non-chalance just to avoid any conflict and in the best interest of my brother.
5. Also I gave 50 bucks to a priest to shut his mouth for expressing his desire about devotees not getting sweets and just flowers. Me and my mother, both were hurt and hence I did it.
6. Me going to Vellore Golden Temple and how from the beginning till the end I could not appreciate anything but was simply cursing the management to make me walk for 3 kms. Even after so much of pain I could feel no calmer as it was full business model and little to do with architecture/ devotion.
7. My moments of stealing glimpse with Nurses in my brother's ward and how I feel gratefull for their service.
8. My anger over Canteen chap for serving me chicken puff instead of ordered veg puff and more than than not accepting it as his mistake. I remember telling him "I dont want it anymore, you keep it" even after trying to explain him in calmer voice. :)
9. My Blood Donation for my brother's operation. The whole thing was very moving. It is still hard for me to beleive he went through all this.
10. One day at hospital, I was little pissed of with what we were undergoing and told my brother that he should better take care of himself and not be cause of pain to the family. He was literally furious to me and we couldnt meet eye with an eye for quite some time.
11. Also, I gave one mock cat in vellore which boosted my confidence level :)
12. Read quite a few chapters from The World is Flat by Thomas Friedman. It was an exhillarating experience. Got to read the rest but it is little heavy and takes toll on your head.
13. Read loads and loads of newspapers and magazines.. Quite a good time.
14. Was a decision maker on equal platform with my dad after I showed my success with handling the situation.
15. My dad was pissed off on operation day, very tensed and we did exchange few unpleasant glances with each other. I was relaxed and calm.
16. Called up Shailesh Jee and thanked him for all his teachings.

well, i will add as and when i recall more. Got to sleep now. Good Night.

My first baby step in photography ;) : Arms around adversaries

Sunday Morning in Office : Reproduced

Sunday Morning in Office.. What a waste. Get some life dude..

Wait.. Wait.. It's different.
No Boss, No colleagues and emptiness all around. Music on speaker while the volume still under civic etiquette. Creativity is having its all time high and relax is the mood. No deadlines, no daily reports and I can take my own sweet time to finish things on my chosen work-day.

The experience of working in such a uber cool artificial setup will match apple to apple with what some of the top tech companies like Google & Yahoo have (at least that's what their Youtube Videos suggest). The employee satisfaction will be high all time. The creativity will sprout in every corner/cubes and all these at no extra cost. If so different and positive can be the outcome, I would like to suggest those tweaks.

1. The employee should be allowed to choose his/her own 5 working days and time.
2. There should be no overlap of employee and his/her manager's presence in office. Proximity kills creativity and induces fear. To sort things out reach out to Graham Bell.
3. People having same taste in music/sports/girl/boy should be allowed to sit together to create an amicable environment. Geese of same frequency improves efficiency.
4. Trust your people. They will surprise you.
5 - 100. Points I missed to suggest or better to say BUFFER :)

Speak Up Fellas...

Please Note : This was my attempt to reproduce my lost matter today morning and I realized, reproduction is never easy and could miss out to originals.

Sunday Morning in Office

Huh? ...

I wrote this complete blog and when I went to format.. at the end what I see is this blank page.. Now Sunday is no more fun :-(.

Google.. you listening....

Is Honesty the Best Policy?

There are pros. There are cons. What side do I want to be?

For quite many years I was pretty clear that I want to be on good side of it as I have always felt proud and relieved after speaking out the fact rather than twisting and turning and putting them in self-benefit form. But coming to corporate it is not easy. Instead the one who depicts is the one who get promotion/raise and the one who is a silent worker is left in corner gathering dust.

Buddha said, follow a middle path. Let me tell you, it is not easy. He did not speak about the criterion for the boundary and as a result I am still at fix. Though I lie sometimes about my dinner or availability but that too leaves me feeling guilty.

I don't preach "Honesty" and I keep my virtue (good/bad) to myself nor do I intend to advertise myself :). I am just trying to share my thoughts with you fellow readers and would love to hear your point of view either by a comment here or over coffee (on me:)).

That is why I have this blog name as "deepintolife".. as I like to question myself all time.

With You Always,

AC

Connecting Dots

"Dreams are not what you have when you sleep, dreams are those that don't let you sleep." APJ

There is nothing great about the above quote. I have come across it close to 100 times considering the speaker is one of the most influential man in my country and the citizens talk about him in high regards. Whenever I read it, I nod my head in approval but never experienced it until today.

My dream is to pursue PhD in a technological domain and I shared this yesterday with my dad. He didn't said, "Have you gone insane?" but rather what he said was more logical answer, "First we need to get admission in a good college for Masters and then will come PhD". I know a friend whose parents freak out at the very mention that his son want to pursue PhD and not start his family life considering he is about to finish his Masters. My dad's response was encouraging. I slept late after watching "The Matrix" and working on my SOP by close to 2:30 a.m. Kept my alarm at 9:00 a.m. thinking that a six and a half hour would be sufficient to reboot my biological clock for a fresh start.

To my surprise, dreams of pursing technology, long hours in library and excitement over studies filled my sleep time and I woke up at 7:00 a.m, 2 hrs before plan. I consider such situation from the view that what ever less than 8 hour I am going to use it as credit for the following night and also ends up grumbling about it whole day. But today is different. I am up, wrote something on my white boards, checked my facebook, gmail etc and now writing this blog. After this, I plan to finalize a document regarding application and get ready for office.

I am not sure if I have got the answer to my question, "What would I like to pursue as a career which will be in alignment with my strengths and goals?". But I am happy to find something that would not let me sleep and something I would love to pursue. Its not an easy task as for the past eight and a half years I have been searching for it and my friends have often tagged me as a confused butt. I have a calendar diary and its more than 50% of the pages are filled with my doubts and queries. It was always a difficult question as there was no fortune teller to guide my future but as Steve Jobs said in Stanford's commencement speech in the year 2005 :

"Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards ten years later. Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life."

Ref: http://news.stanford.edu/news/2005/june15/jobs-061505.html

So friends, All I am doing is keep digging and finding out something that doesn't let me sleep. I wish you have your answer soon.

Have a Nice Day!!

AC